Now What, You Idiot?
by Cella N
Summary: Being in your body isn't exactly a walk in the park for me either, Malfoy. HERMIONE. DRACO. On the perils of switching bodies, and falling in love with your enemy's best friend. DracoHarry, HermioneBlaise. [abandoned]
1. One: Bad, Bad Day

**Title: Now What, You Idiot? (01)**

**Author:** Procella Nox-noctis

**Category:** Humour

**Sub category:** Humour

**Keywords:** Draco, Hermione, potions gone wrong

**Summary:** A potion gone wrong makes Hermione and Draco change bodies. Now, Hermione is in Draco's body and Draco in hers. To get out of this situation they must cooperate. Perhaps even become friends. But, what happens when each of them falls for the other's best friend? Blaise/Hermione, Draco/Harry pairings later on.

**Sneek-Peek: **_They looked at each other. "Aaaaaaaaah!"  
  
"Granger, what have you done to that potion, I'm, I'm, I'm YOU!" Draco said with a shocked expression.  
  
"Being in your body isn't exactly a walk in the park for me either, Malfoy." she replied, making a sour face when one gold hair lib covered her eyes_

**A/N: This brilliant, I hope piece of work came to my mind when I was walking down the street. This will be my first ever slash, so don't be harsh. I know I could've put Draco and Hermione together, but I wanted to be different. As usual. Anyway, this chapter ha no romance as of yet, but it will come! For now, settle with the humour. I don't know how long this will be, but updates will be less frequent as I still have to finish TBotE. I just needed to get this out of my head and on paper, errm Word.**

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**One: This Could Potentially Be Described As A Very Bad Day**

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Draco Malfoy dragged himself to his next class. Today just had not been his day. All days were his days! But not today. Firstly, he had received a letter from his mother in which she hyperactively told him how the new House-Elf had taught her how to cook. Draco was rather happy for his mother now. This was all thanks to Potter who had killed Voldemort last year, and his father was now in house arrest, after having received the Kiss. So this gave his mother new freedom. Lately she had been a wee bit too hyper, the boy thought.

After that, he was late for Transfiguration, which earned him a glare from McGonagall, 5 points from Slytherin and some snickers from the Imbecilic Trio. Then, he remembered he didn't do his Arithmancy homework, thus another 20 points from Slytherin, and his bag had broken. His perfect leather bag was totally ruined.

Dragging his feet to the Potion class, he cursed his luck. Why did his Potion partner had to be Granger? He dropped on the chair with an oomph. Lazily, he took out his quills, parchment, and supplies. Wait. Where was his cauldron? Oh, crap. Yes, this was definitely not his day.

A smile crossed her lips when Malfoy dropped on the chair. Someone had woken on the wrong side of the bed. She resisted the urge to tease him, a hobby she had recently found, simply because he looked rather dangerous. Then he banged his head on the table.

"As much as I'm enjoying this, stop bashing your head on our table, you'll dirty it with blood. And you'll lose the last two neurons you have left." She said smirking silently.

"Fuck you." He muttered.

"You're getting better, Malfoy."

He just glared at her with pure hatred. Since when could Hermione Granger outdo him in the insulting area? And since when did she love teasing him? Nope, not his day at all.

Hermione snickered behind her hand. Teasing Malfoy was almost as good as reading Hogwarts: A History. He responded so easily. She had discovered this a year ago when she decided to answer fire with fire, and had seen Malfoy glare at her after a witty insult. Then the games had begun, and they bickered every day.

"Today we shall be making the Abeo Vultus Potion. Can anyone tell me what it is?" Snape voice snapped them out of their fight, both of them raising their hands high, as if they were competing to see who got higher.

"Mr. Zabini?" both groaned at having lost.

"It's allows you to see to your partner's eyes and feel through his heart, without changing your bodies like with the Polyjuice Potion. Plus it's made faster, and the effect vanishes faster as well." The raven-haired boy answered, half-smiling over to where Draco and Hermione sat.

"Correct. 10 points to Slytherin. Mr. Malfoy, could you please tell me how you could use this potion?"

He didn't expect that question. He didn't expect it, because he didn't know the answer. And Snape always put questions he could answer. Oh crap. "No sir, I'm afraid I can't."

"What?" the professor hissed. "Mr. Malfoy, I specifically asked for you to study this potion in advance."

"I didn't get to that point. Sir."

"Why, exactly haven't you, Mr. Malfoy?"

"Lots of homework?" he asked tentatively.

"I see. You mean that hard Arithmancy problem Professor Vector told me you didn't make?"

"With all due respect, sir. I don't see what this has to do with the first question."

"You're right, Mr. Malfoy. You don't know. 5 points from Slytherin. Now, who knows the uses of the potion?"

Draco swore under his breath. Now that Voldemort was dead, Snape no longer favoured Slytherins anymore, because no one was ordering him to do it. Thus the snarky git was now impartial to all houses. Bummer.

Hermione sat down satisfied that she had given a good answer. She looked at Malfoy, who was looking as though he was considering killing himself. Snape wrote the instructions on the board, and they begun.

"Where's your cauldron?" Hermione asked innocently.

"I forgot it. Look Granger today isn't my day. Cut me some slack, will you?"

"Not once in your life did you cut me some slack when I was down and having a rough day. Why on fucking hell would I do that? Let's get to work."

Draco mumbled a "Whatever" and started chopping spider's legs.

Hermione checked the potion. It was almost ready, it was red and it was rather good. All she needed to do was to stir five times clock wise. Of course Snape had to come and ruin their day yet again.

While Snape was interrogating Draco on why he didn't have his cauldron, Hermione stirred one too many times. Seven to be exact, but she did not notice. Not until Snape announced they'd be testing the potion as well. At first she noticed nothing, and neither did Draco who was rather good at Potions. They both gulped down their goblets. Blinked. Blinked twice, and thrice. Nothing.

"Nothings happening." Draco hissed.

"I've noticed. Look, there comes Snape, act like me, we can't let him give us detention."

"Well, how did it go? The colour seems right. Noticing any changes?" Snape asked looking at Hermione.

Hermione lifted her head high, and cockishly answered. "Of course. What did you expect, we were the ones who did it."

Draco put on a studious face. "I believe it worked rather well, Professor."

"Very well, you may leave the classroom. Class dismissed." While everybody left the room, Snape's eyes set down on Hermione and Draco. He sneered gleefully. This would be a year to remember.

"Phew, we made it. Snape didn't suspect one thing. Malfoy, I do not act that way by the way."

"Snape didn't suspect, so it must be that you do, in fact, act that way. But for your nformation, I'm not that cocky."

"No, and I'm Queen Elisabeth I." she sneered back sarcastically.

"Oh look, a lover's spat." A velvety voice came behind Hermione. A voice she knew too well.

"Hullo, Blaise. How nice to see you. Come on, let's head for the common room. I have a book I want you to lend me." Draco said cheerfully.

"Since when do you borrow my books. You said you don't like Shakespeare." Blaise replied, a gasp was heard from Hermione.

"You read Shakespeare, Zabini?" she asked, eyes like plates.

"Yes, yes, he does. Look Granger your attitude makes me want to read now, so I'll just take Blaise. And leave. Bye!"

Hermione sighed dreamily. Blaise Zabini, Slytherin's lonely rebel read William Shakespeare. Oh, she was in love. Her gaze dropped onto the floor, and she noticed Draco's quill. She really didn't want to return it, but the boy looked really helpless these last days. "Oh bugger." She grabbed the quill and ran over to the Slytherin dungeons.

"Where's the fire?" Zabini's voice caught her.

"Malfoy. Where's Malfoy?"

"In the Prefect's Bathroom. Say Granger, you aren't in love with him or anything, are you? Because it's hopeless!" he had to shout the last line, for Hermione was already heading for the bathroom.

She was in such a hurry, (she honestly didn't know why, it was just quill after all) that when she opened the door to the bathroom, it was being opened from the inside as well. Thus she collided with the person who was getting out.

She felt woozy. Her headache made her close her eyes. She opened them and saw...herself. In front of her. She looked at her hands. Those weren't her hands! Those were boy's hands! She brought a hair lib to her eye level. Blond. "Oh bugger."

They looked at each other. "Aaaaaaaaah!"  
  
"Granger, what have you done to that potion, I'm, I'm, I'm YOU!" Draco said with a shocked expression.  
  
"Being in your body isn't exactly a walk in the park for me either, Malfoy." she replied, making a sour face when one gold hair lib covered her eyes.  
  
"Something must have happened to the potion we were making No wonder the effect didn't occur. We needed physical contact first."  
  
"You make that sound as if we just screwed each other and now I'm you and you're me."  
  
"Bad mental images. For your private information, Granger, I don't swing that way."  
  
Hermione looked stricken, a grin forming at her, Malfoy's, oh goddamit, her lips.  
  
"No! You're gay?" she laughed hard, finding it kind of strange to laugh with Malfoy's laugh, she never did hear him laugh after all. "Oh I pity those fangirls of yours. To think, Draco Malfoy is g-"  
  
"Why don't you give a fucking announcement in the Daily Prophet! Okay, so I'm homosexual. So what? Half the school believes you're a lesbian, or at least bisexual."  
  
"I am not a lesbian!"  
  
"What about bisexual?" he asked wriggling his eyebrows.  
  
"What are we going to do about this now." she asked, sitting on the bathroom's floor.  
  
"You're ignoring the question. Granger, are you bisexual?"  
  
"I could study it in the Library."  
  
Draco started laughing.  
  
"I meant the potion, Malfoy!"  
  
"Fine, fine. But seriously. Are you?"  
  
"My sexual preferences are none of your concern, gay-blond."  
  
"Ah, I'm brunette now, you're the blond, remember? You are! Aren't you? It's why you're ignoring the question. Oh my God, Hermione Bookworm Granger is a bisexual!"  
  
"Now listen here Malfoy, we do not talk about sexual preferences anymore. Case Closed."  
  
"You could just answer, you know? No biggy."  
  
"You saying no biggy has suddenly become my worst nightmare. The answer is that I don't know, okay?"  
  
"Ah, so you're confused."  
  
"Urgh, Malfoy, we're supposed to figure out a way to return to ourselves, and here we are talking about my confused sexual orientation. Please stop it." she asked warily.  
  
"You know what you could do? You could try both, and stick with what you like best. Or with both!"  
  
"Malfoy. Talk more about this and I'll personally torture you! End of discussion." She said pointing her wand at him.  
  
"Fine, be an ignorant for ever. So, Mr. Malfoy, what do you propose?"  
  
"You did not just address me like that. Oh, please pinch me; I have to escape this nightmare. OW! Malfoy!"  
  
"What? You said pinch me." he asked innocently.  
  
"It was an expression." she answered through gritted teeth.  
  
"I think we should tell no body about this. Yes, we'll keep it a secret, and we'll figure it out ourselves."  
  
"You mean...I have to act like you? I'm not trained to act like a pompous homosexual git."  
  
"Well, I can't play a bookworm-ish sexually confused prissy, but I'll try!"  
  
"Fine then. We'll keep up the act. And solve it TOGETHER! Don't for a moment think I'll do all the work."  
  
"And never return to my body again? Of course not! I'll most surely help. No wait. Oh, you're in trouble."  
  
"What? Why?"  
  
"Zabini."  
  
"What does HE have to do in this."  
  
"Do you like him or something, Granger?" he asked looking at her suspiciously.  
  
"What gave you that idea?"  
  
"The way you said HE. Okay, back to point...do you?"  
  
"Malfoy!"  
  
"Sorry, sorry. The problem with Zabini is that he's very smart."  
  
"I've noticed." She mumbled.  
  
"Almost like you, but more pretty. He's bound to figure out you're not me, because we're really close."  
  
Snort. Laughter. Cough.  
  
"I meant as best friends! He's straight, if you must know. So watch out for him, try to ignore him, don't talk in his presence and what's most important, you do not flirt with him. I tried once and I got a black eye. Apparently he's in love with someone, and it's not a boy."  
  
"Deal, so no talking, no flirting, no bonding."  
  
"Bad thoughts. No wait. NICE thoughts."  
  
"Fantasize later; I have to warn you about my friends. Rules: Don't insult them; they'll notice it's not me. Also, don't flirt with Ron, or I'll kill you."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Apparently the boy has a thing for me, and well, if you flirt with him I'll never get him out of my hair."  
  
Draco grinned ferociously.  
  
"I mean it, Malfoy. Flirt with Ron, and you're a dead gay. Man."  
  
"You're never going to let me live on that one, are you? Homophobic moron."  
  
"I am not a homophobe! I'm bisexual for god sake!"  
  
"AHA! I knew it! I knew it! I'm so smart. So SO smart. Okay, so. How did you realize that?"  
  
"It was at my cousin's sweet 16, she had this really cool friend called Em--Why am I telling you this? Look, I'm still not sure about my, well you know, preferences, but when I will be, you'll be the first to know. But I'm not a homophobe. I just love teasing you. So then, it's settled. We play each other. Brilliant."  
  
"What about flirting with Potter."  
  
"I don't think he'd pay attention to you."  
  
"Why, is he gay too, or something?"  
  
"Whatever answer I'll give you, you'll consider it a yes, correct?" she asked tired.  
  
"Course." He answered cheerfully, apparently all the gloominess from Potions gone.  
  
"Right-o then. Well, we should head for our common Rooms now. The password to Gryffindor is 'Slytherin stink'."  
  
"The password to Slytherin is 'Gryffindor stinks even more'."  
  
"Who gives the passwords, anyway? Malfoy, one final warning. Do anything to ruin my reputation, i.e. wear sluttish clothes, and have no doubt that I'll come to class with a skirt and pink fingernails. For a week."  
  
"We'll hopefully get rid f this within a week. Deal, no slutting you up. Well, good luck with the Slytherins, Granger."  
  
"Yeah, whatever."  
  
Hermione was walking towards the Slytherin common room when she realised one thing. She had no idea where they were. Yep, that was definitely not a good day.

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**E/N: Some BHr interaction, more will come. I really and truly hope you like this; tell me if I should continue. The story is humour for something, thanks very much! Please review, but don't expect updates so often I still have to finish my other story. Thanks a lot! Also, thanks to Eli, who was the first one to advise me to do this story, you're a doll, really you are. **


	2. Two: It's a Common Problem

**Title: Now What, You Idiot? (02)**

**Author:** Procella Nox-noctis

**Category:** Humour

**Sub category:** Humour

**Keywords:Hermione, Draco, Common rooms**

**Summary:** A potion gone wrong makes Hermione and Draco change bodies. Now, Hermione is in Draco's body and Draco in hers. To get out of this situation they must cooperate. Perhaps even become friends. But, what happens when each of them falls for the other's best friend? Blaise/Hermione, Draco/Harry pairings later on.

**Sneek-Peek:**

_"Oh, that...he-he, it's nothing really. And what's wrong in being like Malfoy a little bit?"_

_"You mean besides the point that he's cocky, arrogant, idiotic, snarky—"_

_"Okay, I got it."_

_"—mean to everyone, prick, git—"_

_"Potter I'm warning you!"_

_"—stupid, annoying, concealed, spoiled brat, going from girl to girl—"_

_"I'M NOT STRAIGH!"_

_"Wha-?" Harry looked at him confused._

_Oh, fuck. I screwed up. Okay, something believable, quick. "My hair. It's-it's not straight." They'd have to reinvent pathetic for you, Draco._

_"Ah, right then." The boy looked at him suspiciously._

**A/N: You know I feel so loved right now, don't you? Man I got so many reviews! I' cool, I'm cool, I'm cool, yeaaaaaah... anyway, back to point. I am going to do an alternate updating schedule, okay? Today this one, tomorrow TBotE, after tomorrow this one again, I believe you got the point. Also, I have nothing sure as of yet, but I think that someone wants to translate this story, cool huh? Now that everything is cleared up, let's move on. (I'm having a BIG writer's block right now...okay, it's gone.)**

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**Two: It's a Common Problem**

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Hermione trotted down the halls of Hogwarts. Bless her luck, it was brilliant. Really, it was. She had changed bodies with Draco Malfoy, and had to act like him. Yuck! On top of that she had no idea were the Slytherin common room was, so she was lost. This looked like another Freaky Friday movie.

"Sequel's were never good." She mumbled, turning around at a corner and bumping into none other than—

"Draco. Where were you?" Blaise Zabini.

"Ermm...I was in the bathroom." _No, not good, more cocky._ "I was in the bathroom, of course. Do you KNOW how much it takes to clean this beautiful hair of mine? Of course you don't." _oh, yeah, perfect. You sounded like a cocky gay. I told you it's perfect!_

"You said you hate your hair, because it reminds you of your father." Blaise said sceptically.

"I did?" _Malfoy hates his hair? Never would've guessed. Ooops, act like you know, quick. _"Of course I do! I was just testing you. To see how much you knew me. I was taking a walk, honestly, with Granger's feelings in me I feel like walking for miles." _Better. I hope._

"Hermione likes to walk?" Blaise's eyes glazed over, but Hermione didn't notice. "She wants to find out where she's going in this life, what she wants to do. So she walks until she finds her answers."

_Wow, you sounded just like my...father. How come you know me so much? _"Hey, hey, what's with the Granger talk? I have her feelings, it's enough Granger I want to hear about. Besides, how come you know her so much?"

"I study people. You're acting like you forget about this. Hermione is...well, she's spontaneous, but it's all a mask. If you look at her long enough, you see that when she laughs with her friends, she has the tiny spark of doubt in her eyes, like asking 'Will we really stick together till the end?' She does it all the time."

"You're really spooking me out. Honestly." _No one ever realised that before._

Blaise grinned, showing her two rows of pearly whites her parents would've been proud of. "I spook everybody out. But anyway, do you still want to read Shakespeare?"

_Yes, hell yes! _"I suppose you could explain what it's all about. Granger was absolutely all over you when you said you read the Shakespeare." _Okay, that was definitely something from Malfoy's mind._

"I think this will take a lot of explaining. Come on, let's go to the common room."

"Lead the way." She said, walking behind him to have a nice view of his bum. _Yummy, positively yummy._

"Malfoy, I told you enough times, I hate it when you look at my arse. So stop it." he said half turning his neck towards her, so that she could see him half smiling.

"Can't help it." _What? It's true! I can't! Where has he been all my life?_

"One of these days, I'm going to forget you're my best friend and pummel you."

Hermione just smirked at him and followed him to a portrait of Salazar Slytherin. She had passed it two times at least. "How could I have been such an idiot?" she muttered under her breath.

In front of her Blaise raised an eyebrow. _Interesting._ He decided not to develop further on that thought, just said the password. "Cruentus Veritas."

_Bastard Malfoy giving me the wrong password. God, I hate him! _She lightened up when Blaise looked back at her. And followed him inside the common room. Her house for the next days. Bummer.

Twas not an easy thing for Draco Malfoy to look up to the fact that he'd spend most f the next days, at least he hoped it would only be days, in the company of lions. And that he'd have to act all Granger-ish. He snickered, Granger would have a really though time with his fangirls, and boys. He only hoped she'd be smart enough not to let Blaise realise the situation. Honestly, that boy was a crack at mystery solving; he'd figure them out in a second.

Right, now onto more important business, where was the Gryffindor common room? Was the password Granger gave him correct? Because he knew the one he gave her wasn't. Again, more snickering.

"Hermione!" he stopped in mid air upon hearing the name of the person whose body he was currently occupying. Then turned around slowly, and looked up. _Bless me luck, it's Saint Potter._

_Ahem._ "Harry! Where were you? I've been looking through the whole castle for you."

"Hermione...are you okay?"

Draco stuck his nose up in the air. "Yes, why do you ask?"

Harry shook his head. "For a moment there I thought I saw Malfoy in you or something. I don't know you look different."

"Oh, that...he-he, it's nothing really. And what's wrong in being like Malfoy a little bit?"

"You mean besides the point that he's cocky, arrogant, idiotic, snarky—"

"Okay, I got it."

"—mean to everyone, prick, git—"

"Potter I'm warning you!"

"—stupid, annoying, concealed, spoiled brat, going from girl to girl—"

"I'M NOT STRAIGH!"

"Wha-?" Harry looked at him confused.

_Oh, fuck. I screwed up. Okay, something believable, quick. _"My hair. It's-it's not straight."_ They'd have to reinvent pathetic for you, Draco._

"Ah, right then." The boy looked at him suspiciously.

"So."

"So."

"Errr."

"Yep."

"Cool."

"I know."

_What the fuck was that? A conversation or something?_ "Well, when you get more articulate, feel free to announce me."

Harry grinned down at him (being in Granger's body made him smaller), his green eyes twinkling.

"So...you wanted to see me for something, or did you just felt like jogging through Hogwarts for a while?" Draco asked again.

"Oh, it's for the jogging, trust me. Now seriously. You looked kind of weird today in Potions. Teasing Malfoy. NOT that I oppose the idea, I mean seeing him want to bash his head because of you was !"

Draco's eye twitched. _Why you little, how DARE you gloat in my pathetic-ness? Hey, is that a word? _"I was around. You know, walking. Want to head to the common room for a break before lunch comes?"

"Huh? Oh, no, sorry. I promised Michael I'd him by the lake, and I don't want to be late." He winked at him. "You know how much it costed me to get Michael to at least notice me, right?"

Draco gaped. "Michael who?"

"Corner. Honestly, Hermione, have you been listening to what I've told you the last few days?"

"Michael Corner is GAY?" _Okay, why was I not informed? I mean Corner is boyfriend material here, people!_

"No! He's not! What's wrong with you it's like you're no you today!"

"Sorry, I've had a crappy day. Do go on."

"Michael's dad is the vice president of Puddlemere United, and I've been trying to convince Corner junior to convince his dad to accept Ron in the team."

_Weasley in the Puddlemere United? HA! HAHA! HAHAHAHAHAMWAHAHAHA! NOT A CHANCE! _"Oh yeah, that's right you told me last night. Okay, then I guess you have to go. No wait, does this mean you aren't coming with me to the common room?"

"Yes that's what it means. Hermione I really think you should rest, maybe sleep a little. You're not you." Harry said leaving for the main entrance.

_Of COURSE I'm not Hermione! I'm Draco! I'd get some sleep if only I'd know where to go to the common room! Oh, hey, isn't that the Patil sister, Pricotti or something? _"Hey, wait up, hey! You! Errm, girl! Wait!" _Why is nobody listening to me? Damn Potter. Damn Granger. Damn Pricotti too, while you're at it!_

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**E/N: This was ackward. Terribly sorry for the short chapter, but it was either this or waiting four more days until I got inspired. Blame it on the on line Manga, I got addicted! I still hope no one gets confused by this. I tried to give Draco more realism, not throw him to his OOC doom. Tell me if I did it right? I think he's rather...giddy. (Shudder) People from FAP told me not to make Draco instantly good. Gasp! I couldn't! Draco is sexier while being a bad ass. So, no, he won't be good from the beginning, but he won't be I-plan-on-controlling-the-world-evil either. He'll be in the middle somehow. Like I'm-mean-but-I-really-do-have-a-heart! And as for Hermione, she might be OOC but it's only because she's trying—and failing—to act Malfoy-ish, and only until Blaise discovers, if he does discover. Muahahahahaha**!

**Thank you to:**

Wood-n-snape. Yes, I know, but hopefully Blaise will become an important character soon, revealed as Hermione's secret boyfriend, and then more stories like these will follow. Or I'll wake up from my trip to _la la land_. Either way.

SunshineGirl03. thank you, it's always nice to hear pleasant words.

Blink182rawk. I think that band rocks as well, I used to love them, I still do, but at the time I have other favourites. Yes, Malfoy is good at everything. **Malfoy:** Of course I am, I'm a Malfoy after all.

Aine Rowan. Thank you, witty banter is my speciality. Just check any other fics I have and you'll see what I mean. I'll try to do my best with the updating thingy, it all depends on my inspiration.

**My dearest, dearest Kori.** Well, neither of them because if you read closer it was Snape who first found out, just take another look at the last chapter, you'll see. But from the other three...who do you reckon? Again, I thank you for reading it even if you don't like slash much. To be honest, neither did I but I wanted to try it, you know, try and change my opinion on it. Plus, slash get more reviews!

Ura. Of course, I'll keep writing if people keep reviewing, and I'm inspired.

Nyoka Li. That's the point! As Hermione, Draco will get to know Harry, and...well there's going to be a huge twist, you'll see. Same for Blaise and Hermione.

Fantasy101. Thanks. Sure thing. Ditto.

Cheer4life2005. Thanks. It was funny having Hermione tease Draco and not the other way around, right.

Tygrressheart. Who's your sister so I can thank her for getting me another reviewer? And about the Blaise love thing-y, are you psychic or something?

Liliku. Yes, Blaise's misunderstood portraying make all from the **HMS O&U **suffer, cry, and furthermore our eyes twitch in fury. **People, Blaise Zabini is not a slut!** Darned, guys! I mean, if Rowling would've wanted us to know Zabini was an evil person she'd have mentioned it at least once. But she didn't, which is why I think he's the loner and nicer snake. Because if he were a slut, the books would mention the someone went out with him. Right? I'm dissgressing. Wait, this is important: **BLAISE ISN'T A GIRL EITHER!** JKR said so herself, if you'd check her sites. No worry, I'm not going to portray Blaise like some others do. Keep reviewing, k?

Anonymus. Okay.

Dumbledude. Sure thing!

Sheree. I absolutely loved this review. Especially the last two words. Fits the situation perfectly. You had me laughing with this. Thanks.

JeanB. Yes, well, you know me, I like to differ. I hope to centrate on that pair more too, seeing as it's my first slash. And yeah, I've read the interview, and I agree with you 100%. Either he's the nice Slytherin or he's the geeky one. JKR mentioned Theo Nott being the loner, maybe Blaise is his friend or something, you know, maybe they understand each other without words, in a totally none gayish way. But I can hardly wait until she reveals him to us. I do fear that if he's bad, my heart will ache, and even more if he'll die--heaven forbid. But if he's bad, we'll find a way to make him better, like all good authors do.

Yeoldcrazy1. Okay, thank you!

MissDramatic. I ALWAYS have good ideas. Mwahahahaha! Like someone once said, one day I'll be taking over the world with my fics and you won't know what hit you. Either that, or someone will get some modesty into me. I still say it's not my forte!

Ever1. Oky doky! God I'm a dork, huh?

**Ah well, and that's it, just read the notes, they're important, although annoying. Do it for me? I'm pouting by the way. Okay, well, thank you!**


	3. Three: The Trouble With Men

**Title: Now What, You Idiot? (03)**

**Author:** Procella Nox-noctis

**Category:** Humour

**Sub category:** Spicy comentaries

**Keywords:Hermione, Draco, Troubles**

**Summary:** A potion gone wrong makes Hermione and Draco change bodies. Now, Hermione is in Draco's body and Draco in hers. To get out of this situation they must cooperate. Perhaps even become friends. But, what happens when each of them falls for the other's best friend? Blaise/Hermione, Draco/Harry pairings later on.

**Sneek-Peek:**_"Sorry." She said reluctantly standing up._

_"Don't worry. Like Hamlet says: What's done is done." He said whipping himself out and looking at her._

_"That was MacBeth. Oh shit." She looked up at him in horror. He was smirking. He knew. Damn it all! I couldn't last a day!_

_"I knew something was fishy around you. Aren't I right, Granger?" he said int her ear, while helping her stand up._

**A/N: I'm back!!! I have too many fics on construction that it creates writer's block. Just peachy isn't it? But anyway. I've been thinking whether to make this last for a day or for more, and I've come to this conclusion: they have to know each other, understand each other, and fall in love, thus this will last for more than just a day. Perhaps a week or so, who the heck knows. Depends on Snape, and you'll see why.**

**I have another thing I need your help with. I want to do a story that isn't a Harry Potter based story. But I'm afraid for that I need ideas. It can be anything, movies, games, books, anime whatever, but I need YOU to give me an idea. You just say, for example, do something on Tenchu, and perhaps I'll try hard and do it. All I'm asking is for you to tell me what I can do the story on. No Harry Potter. Also, I'll try and make this a one-shot or a drabble. Something to re-inspire me for other stuff. Could you lend me a hand? I'd be eternally grateful. I already have on of Wolf's Rain called WE ARE. Try and read it if you know anything about that. And now: to the story!!!!**

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**Three: The Trouble With Men**

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Hermione couldn't help but stare in awe. The Slytherin common room had been too packed up with people, so Blaise decided they should read in the boys dormitory. On Blaise bed. Let me rephrase that. On the bed where Blaise slept each night. A bed invaded with his scent. A bed where Hermione hoped to get in. Wait. That wasn't a good thing.

_Okay, Hermione. This is bad stuff. You only talked to him for five or so minutes and you already want to get inside his pants...bed. Whatever. Look, just control yourself. _

Far easier thought than done, she thought. A good start could have been sitting on Malfoy's bed. _No way. That's just plain disgusting._ Thus, she decided to screw the 'control yourself' part, and sat cross-legged on Blaise's bed. _Hey this is bouncy._ She bounced a bit on the bed._ Doesn't squeak. That could be a convenience. Definitely a convenience. Ok, Hermione, STOP! It's like it's not you who thinking, it's like Malfoy's. Urgh. _

"I suppose we should start with a simple thing, right? I mean, I'm quite sure you don't want to read something about some sappy romance, would you?" Blaise said, going over to where a small shelf with some books stood. He lifted his arms to reach a book, and Hermione's mouth went dry. Desert dry. Blaise didn't tuck his shirt into his pants. Which meant that if he'd lift his arms, you could see his back, and if he were looking at you, you could see his stomach. Which was exactly what Hermione was doing now. Staring, no, better yet, gaping at Blaise's low back, a spot that stood far too close to his pants' line, in her opinions. Those with guttery minds could imagine what Hermione wished right then. Him, of course. Well, it was rather his bum, but what's the difference?

"Malfoy?" she turned her gaze on Blaise's face now. He was smirking sexily. "Tell me, that planet you're on, is it nice?"

"We were talking Shakespeare, Blaise. Not planets. Now explain before I lose my interest." _Wow, I wonder how I managed to say that phrase when all my mind could think is how sexy his bum is! Must be Malfoy's cool attitude. How many times did he look at Blaise's bum and got caught? _

Before she could focus on that, Blaise sat down beside her on the bed. He handed her the book and gave her a suspicious look. She shrugged at him looking at the book. "Hamlet". Not bad. Blaise started explaining who Shakespeare was, but Hermione didn't really listen. She rather just stared at his lips moving. _You are playing on dangerous land, Hermione. Watch out._

Blaise finished his lecture and asked her if she wanted a drink or something. She nodded and immediately a jar of pumpkin juice appeared on the table. She stood up from the bed and served herself a glass. On her way back to bed, she tripped clumsily and landed on Blaise's chest, her glass of juice spilled all over his shirt.

"Sorry." She said reluctantly standing up.

"Don't worry. Like Hamlet says: What's done is done." He said whipping himself out and looking at her.

"That was MacBeth. Oh shit." She looked up at him in horror. He was smirking. He knew. _Damn it all! I couldn't last a day!_

"I knew something was fishy around you. Aren't I right, Granger?" he said int her ear, while helping her stand up.

"How did you know?" she asked sitting on his bed.

"The trouble with men is that they're ignorant. Except for me."

_Yes, because you're not a man, you're a God!_ "Continue."

"Well, I noticed that in Potions you stirred two times more than you were supposed to. I don't know exactly what could happen when you do that, so I let is pass by. But then you didn't know Malfoy hated his hair, which was a hint. You had no idea of the password. You knew the quote was from Macbeth, which by the was, that was to test my theory, I knew it was from Macbeth anyway. But I'm guessing what triggered me, was your constant staring at my bum. Not that no one does that, but only you aquire that certain blush when you're turned on. At least so I've noticed."

"Right. So you're telling me that it wasn't a sin to stare at your body, because everybody does it, right? Talk about ego, there Zabini."

Blaise grabbed her hand and yanked her against him. In her ear he whispered: "Come on, Granger. Admit it. You want me." She let out a deep sigh when he pulled away. If she'd be a girl, her panties would've been wet_. That was by far, one of the most sexiest thing a boy ever whispered in my ear. _Reluctantly again, she freed her arm from his grip and looked into his eyes defiantly.

"It takes more than just looking at your bum to make me want you." She said, turning away from him, finding interest in a mirror on the wall.

"Is that a challenge?" he whispered again in her ear. This time she shivered pleasantly._ Oh come one, no one has that much self control! _

"It's a statement. Now that you know of my secret, you must vow that you won't say a word."

He smirked. "And what's in it for me?"

"Nothing."

"That's a real pity." He answered, brushing her neck with his fingers.

"Does it really not bother you that you're caressing Malfoy's body?" she asked, pulling away.

"But it's much more fun when you're in it." he grinned slyly.

"You are one sick person, Zabini."

"Turned on, yet?"

"No."_ Liar_!

"We have time."

"No. We don't. Malfoy and I want, need to get out of this as soon as possible. And now that you know, you shall not tell a soul, in fear of losing Malfoy's friendship. And you will help us both, as to maintain that friendship. And you will also not tell him you know."

"As you wish, My Lady." He smirked again. "I'll tell you all you wish to know about Draco so that you can be more believable and no one else discovers you. But in turn."

"Oh boy."

"I want you to become friends with Draco."

"I will not become your—wait, what?" that wasn't what she expected._ This was not what I expected._

"Draco only has one true friend. Me. And he needs more. Now that his father is an empty shell and his mother a hyper lunatic, he needs all the support he can get. So I want you to try and befriend him."

"No sex-slave services to you? Just friends with Malfoy? I can do that."

"No. No sex-slave to me. I'm not that selfish. Plus, I don't need blackmailing you into that. I can seduce my way there."

"Yeah, right."

"Why Granger, was that another challenge? You're full of surprises today."

"Thank you. Likewise."

Draco stood on the ground of the seventh floor. _Where the hell is that common room?_ He had spent the last hour looking for some fat lady's portrait, but found nothing. Not his day at all. It also didn't help that Granger's friends were only two, and they left her. _I mean, Graner only has Potter and Weasley. All the rest hate her guts. No surprise there. But they could at least talk to me!_

"Hermione? What are you doing here?" he looked up to the owner of that voice. A blonde girl. It was that girl called like a plant. How was that? Oh yes, Jasmine.

"Taking a rest. Why?"

"Not much. Want me to join you in the common room?"

"Sure."_ Finally! Salvation! Thank you Jasmine...Green? Is that her name?_

The blonde girl smiled and went in front of Draco. On her bag he read L.B. _Lavender Brown! So that's her name! Thought I heard it somewhere. _Draco followed the girl into the common room. He twitched involuntarily upon seeing so much red and gold. For him, it was almost the same thing if you sent a Goth into a room painted pink. Marking. Shuddering. Horrible. But, unfortunately he had to get used to all the red and gold, because he was going to have to live here.

_I hope Granger doesn't screw things up, and get herself discovered. I'll be the laughing point of everybody. Not the having a soul-less dad and slightly insane mom is good. They're already laughing about me for that. I'd like to see if Granger can cope with that. _

Sighing, he went his way up to the girls' dorm, also following Lavender. They entered the room. Soft red. Disgusting. He'd have nightmares that night for sure. He scanned the room looking for Hermione's bed, and went to sit on it. It was too comfortable for his liking. Of course, sleeping his entire life in the rock beds in the Slytherin dorms was the cause of that. Only Blaise was lucky to have a soft bed, because he had raided the dorms first in their first year, and picked that bed before Draco could say a thing.

He smiled at the memory. Those were good times, when he was admired and Blaise was his enemy as well. Whatever happened to make them such good friends was still unclear even for him. He just remembered that in his youth Draco hated Blaise because the boy didn't care about blood-lines and he had stolen the best bed. Childish as it may sound, that was what he had thought back then.

But then, in his third year, Blaise started to talk to Draco more, thus betraying the loner image he had created for himself. At first, the blond boy wasn't all that confident with the raven-haired loner, but they came to respect each other. Thus, by the end of fifth year, they were best friends. And by the end of sixth year, he was the only friend Draco had.

Deciding now would be a good time to go down to dinner he exited the dorm, saying a goodbye to Lavender, his saviour. In the common room he was greeted by the lovely Harry Potter. The Gryffindor grinned at Draco, and a strange reaction occurred in his body. A reaction he wished didn't happen to him.

Shrugging, he went with Potter to the Great Hall for something to eat. They sat at the table at which Draco wished never to sit in his life and ate. Later on, Ron joined the party, accompanied by Ginevra and Neville. Draco shut them out of his mind as he looked over the Slytherin table. Zabini was missing. And Granger-in-his-body was missing as well. _I swear, if Granger already got into Blaise's pants, I'll give her a prize. Blaise wouldn't go for me, right? I mean, we're just friends! She's going to ruin my friendship with the only friend I have!_ Angry as hell, he proceeded to tear apart a chicken wing, pretending it was Hermione's head. And Potter's. And Weasley's. And Blaise's as well, now that you're at it.

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**E/N: He found out!!! This will make flirting soooo much easy. I'm gonna make myself keep this rated low. Must. Succeed. Anyway, very soon I'll be registering at Fictionpress, because of an original I'm working on. I hope you'll read it if I ask you.**

**Anyway, poor Draco. Who knew he had such a hard life? Well, Hermione didn't but she's about to find out! As will you find out how fast people can fall in love. Or destroy another chicken wing. Or be ignorant as hell. Or oblivious. Or friendship bloom. Thanks to Blaise Hermione is now obliged to at least try and befriend Malfoy. Torturing sadistic sod Zabini is, eh? We'll see. Hermione might come in handy in the H/D pairing. And I'm not saying more.**

**People I thank for their patience**:

**Sabi4Ever**. Yes I really like that. Well, thanks for the compliment. As long as you don't come to me with supercalifragilistic it's dandy to me.

**TygressHeart.** Well, she could leave an anonymous. Thank her anyway. That psycho line is one of my cousin's and mine's favourite inside jokes. Cracked me up when you wrote that. You're the first to take observation in the Pricotti thing there. Thanks for the review.

**Blink182rawk**. Really? Well I thought he's sweet in the movies too. Yeah I think it's allowed to converse, after all, that's why the thx notes are for. Well, I love Nickleback, Lifehouse, Alien Ant Farm, Coldplay, Marooned 5, Metallica, AC/DC and a whole lot more. If you have any type of messenger please TELL ME! We'll be cyber buds!

**JeanB**. OMG you reviewed! I so missed you! Thanks a lot. I loved those lines as well, but this chapter is by far my favourite as to B/Hr goodness. Yeah, keep reading, but what about that happy ending sequel you e-mailed me about, hnn? Thanks a lot anyway.

**Fantasy101**. thank you, and here it is!

**Kaaera.** Well there's the possibility of Snape coming to their aid, but it's still going on thin land. Yeah, Hermione beat him to that, and she's gonna beat him to the man! At least she thinks so.

**Aine Rowan.** Blaise is my favourite shadow character, thanks to O&U crew, so he's bound to have the upper hand. Sorry to baby Draco, I love him too, really. Sarcasm is the lowest for of wit, but it's my friggin forte, so what the heck! That should be a motto!

**Blacksatin96.** Thanks very much. Harry is somewhat difficult to write nowadays. Can't see **why. Sorry this took so long!**

**Ura.** In bask your nickname means water. Funny fact, eh? Thank you for reviewing.

**Cmere1.** ARE YOU KIDDING? The Trilogy is one of the fics I'd rec for ever and ever! I simply loved it! pity Hermione doesn't stay with Draco, I love the bad guys more. Slytherin's **character was really cool. Thank you.**

**Moi.** You actually put me in doubt with that question. And I almost forgot that fact. Thanks very much, you just saved me a bunch of nasty reviews. I'm not quite sure how long this is going to be We shall see

**The-damaged-rose.** Thank you! Yeah, he's probably bound to have some fun, to take revenge on Hermione, oh I don't know, maybe shagging Blaise? Not a real fact, but hey, it could happen. We shall see. Zoinks! A shipmate! ::glomps and huggles to self::

**SingSingMa.** Oh you'll just have to wait for that twist! Read between the lines of the chapter's title, it says a lot about Harry's situation. Thanks for reviewing.

**As usual, read the notes, and say if I'd have a future as a writer which is what I intend on doing. Thanks a** **lot!**

**Paula**


	4. Four: As He Woke The Sleeping Bushy

**Title: Now What, You Idiot? (04)**

**Author:** Procella Nox-noctis

**Category:** Humour

**Sub category:** Humour

**Keywords: Waking up, gossips**

**Summary:** A potion gone wrong makes Hermione and Draco change bodies. Now, Hermione is in Draco's body and Draco in hers. To get out of this situation they must cooperate. Perhaps even become friends. But, what happens when each of them falls for the other's best friend? Blaise/Hermione, Draco/Harry pairings later on.

**Sneek-Peek:** _A meep! of indignation. A glare in Blaise's direction._

_That morning probably the entire Hogwarts could hear the voice of Draco Malfoy thunder out a "Tarantallegra."_

**A/N: I'm sorry!!! I'm really really, really sorry!!! I've just barely started school, already had three exams, and I really want to stab myself with a fork. Sorry for the delay, but you shall just have to get used to this, because you know, when you're in school life's a bore but you're still pressed on time. anyway, lets' just get this over with.**

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**Three: As He Woke The Sleeping Beauty**

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Hermione really didn't want to open her eyes. By opening her eyes, she'd confirm that she was really in Draco's body and it hadn't been a nightmare. If she didn't open her eyes, she wouldn't have to face Blaise Zabini, of whom she had dreamed that night. If she kept her eyes wide shut, then she wouldn't have to try and become Malfoy' friend, and she wouldn't have to bear Zabini's mocking on her situation. The bastard. Nope, if she didn't open her eyes she'd be perfectly—

"Late for Arithmancy." Blaise's voice was all it took to get her wake. Well, it was rather the phrase he had just said. Hermione jumped out of bed.

"WHAT? I'm late, oh, no, I'm never late. No, no, no, no." she mumbled going through the bundle of clothes which belonged to Malfoy. She really didn't want to wear Malfoy's clothes, but there'd be no option. She finally managed to get her, Malfoy's uniform on, and turned to look at Blaise. Who was smirking. And she really didn't like that smirk. Nope, not at all.

"What, what's wrong?" she snapped at him after a few seconds. Blaise just started laughing. Hermione's stomach was immediately turned into a puddle of goo.

Zabini just laughed harder at her confusion. He threw his head backwards, laughing hardly, and Hermione could see his Adam's apple sticking out sexily. She controlled the urge to kiss that spot, right there and then. But it would've been nice to see his reaction on that.

"Your face, god Granger, your face! Man, I always do this to Malfoy, but the face you put on was just...that was a picture moment." He said whipping tears from his eyes.

"I'm pleased to have entertained you. No, wait. Scratch that, I'm not at all pleased. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a class to attend. Good day." she snapped.

"No you don't."

"Yes I do."

"You don't. I woke you up an hour early."

Silence.

"Granger, is it healthy to have your mouth hanging so low?"

Silence.

"Earth to Granger?"

A meep! of indignation. A glare in Blaise's direction.

That morning probably the entire Hogwarts could hear the voice of Draco Malfoy thunder out a "_Tarantallegra."_

Blaise laughed uncontrollably, effect caused by the curse Granger had placed on him. The person in question was standing above him, smirking smugly while he rolled on the floor with laughter. After a few minutes, the curse was lifted.

"Dio mio, that was very Slytherin of you, Granger." He breathed out.

"Next time you want to wake me earlier just to have a laugh at my expression, I suggest you think twice." She snapped at him.

"Hmmm...you know, if you wouldn't be occupying Draco's body, I'd ravish you here." He said, sitting down on his bed. While Hermione was yet again mouth opened, he turned towards the other empty beds of the bedroom.

This got Hermione's attention. "Where is everybody?"

"Well, Crabbe and Goyle probably got up early to get stuffed in the Great Hall, and Theo Nott prefers sleeping on the couch than his bed."

Hermione lifted a blond (Malfoy's) eyebrow. "Well, then. Nott won't have problems in his married life."

"He will certainly not. I guess we could head for breakfast, now that we're up and about." He said turning towards the door. Before he could get far, a hand grabbed him and turned him around. Two hands grabbed his shirt's lapels.

"Zabini, this is a warning. Wake me up before nine again and you will suffer." Hermione growled at him. In that moment, Blaise Zabini wondered whether he should reconsider his sexual orientation. He just couldn't for the life of him, figure out why he was so turned on by this current situation. He really didn't like boys, honestly, but Hermione was worth ravishing for that threat, whether she was in Draco's body or not. And that was not a good thing. Blaise didn't go around kissing boys. Draco did, but Blaise didn't. Of course this could've been caused because Hermione had been the centre of his attention for more than enough years, and no matter in what body she was, she'd always have his...lust. Yes, lust. Because love was a rather strong word. And Blaise wasn't prepared for it.

He snapped out of it when Hermione released his shirt and stepped out from the room. He shook his head, trying to recover his mind, and followed the girl out. Or boy. Whatever.

They reached the Great Hall, and Blaise had to admit to himself that Hermione acted rather well as Draco. Considering that he hadn't told her anything. But he'd take care of that. And he would get information and a cure for the situation they were in, and turn Hermione back into Hermione, body and all, and then he'd ravish her. Yes, that was a brilliant plan.

Draco's mouth stopped opened over his mug when Hermione entered the Great Hall. _Don't fuck it up. Please, Granger, don't fuck it up._ His gaze followed her to where she sat down at the Slytherin table. Next to her was Blaise, looking slightly put out, his brows furrowed in concentration. Suddenly, the raven-haired Slytherin smiled as if he'd just thought of a good plan, and proceeded to eat.

Draco shrugged, turning back to his breakfast, and resuming his day so far. He had managed to find the Gryffindor common room, and had shuddered at the sight of the pale pink girl's bedroom. But, thankfully, Granger wasn't fond of that colour either, which meant that she had charmed her part of the dorm to a soft purple. He lived through the night, and caught up with all the gossip around Hogwarts thanks to his roommates. He knew, for example, that Susan Bones had fallen helplessly in love with Terry Boot, and sent him love letters, which the Ravenclaw threw away. He now knew that Ernie Macmillan had comforted Susan Bones after Terry Boots turned her down, and now they were dating. He knew Hannah Abbot was mad at Susan because she had taken away his boy. And so on and so forth.

This morning he woke up, and discovered Parvati was a soft-snorer. Then he dug into Granger's closet and found a clean uniform. Now, he wasn't really into girl's clothes, but it had to be done, so he bared it. He had almost shortened the uniform's skirt, but stopped at the last moment remembering the Gryffindor's threat. He discarded the thought reluctantly. He thought it really would've been a surprise for the entire Hogwarts to actually see the legs Granger hid behind her long skirt, and her body. But, he wasn't into girls, so he didn't find himself attracted. He wouldn't have minded seeing Blaise drool, though.

After dressing, he walked to the common room, where he met up with Harry and irrelevant-annoying-red-haired-creature-who-dared-called-himself-a-boy. They went to the Great Hall, where the annoying-red-head-who-was-in-love-with-Granger-how-pathetic proceeded to stuff his mouth and explain the theories of something-Draco-didn't-really-payed-attention-to-because-he-didn't-want-to. Harry just stood beside Draco and occasionally nodded at Ron. Then the bomb fell. Harry-the-boy-who-lived-to-be-attentive asked his friend, the red head.

"So, Ron, heard you and Padma Patil are dating."

Weasley turned redder than his head, and chocked on his food. Draco waited to see if he'd choke to death on his food. He didn't have luck. Weasley cleared his voice and answered.

"Yes, well, we've barely started, last night. She's really something. Something really different from what she was in our fourth year." He smiled. Draco shuddered. Harry shrugged.

Now, Draco was faced with a new problem. Weasley wasn't interested in Hermione anymore. Problem was, should he tell the girl or shouldn't he? He decided to let her squirm, and keep her in the dark. So he wouldn't tell her.

"Hermione? We're going to be late for Transfiguration." Harry's voice sounded from Draco's left. In concern, Harry placed a hand on her shoulder. There, the spark again. Draco looked up at Harry and nodded. He never noticed Potter's eyes were so green before. He turned back to drink his last gulp of coffee left when Hermione caught his gaze from the Slytherin table, where she sat, in his body. She looked from him to Harry, lifted a blond eyebrow and smirked at him. Draco tried to pay no mind, but he did have to admit Granger had done a rather good impression of him.

"What's up with Malfoy?" Harry asked the boy.

"Nothing. Why? Nothing's wrong with Malfoy. Isn't he perfect?" Draco replied, nearly wanting to kill himself for the slip of tongue. Nearly. Potter probably thought it had been a sarcastic answer, so he just shrugged and stood up from the table. Draco followed and Weasley followed Draco.

And so, Harry, Ron and Draco-in-Hermione's-body went to Transfiguration class together. On the outside, they just seemed like the Golden Trio going for class, but Harry and Ron would've flipped a disk if they'd knew they were going next to Malfoy in reality. But that, Draco thought mischievously, wouldn't happen too soon.

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**E/N:** **I know, I know, short, but I can't really think of more, and yeah. Sorry if I made Ron a bit of a jerk, but remember, Draco doesn't like him (this will change in time, I think) so he calls him things. I loved this chapter, considering it was a spur of a moment thing. But. Whatever. Well, I hope you liked it.**

**Personal thank yous and marriage proposals:**

**Cmere1: **I thank you for thinking so highly of me! I know, boo low ratings. Unfortunately the action will come...later on. Tiz all I can say. Don't be fooled by the flourished writing though, in the end I'm just a silly little 15 year old girl, with loads of hidden sarcasm. And sometimes writer's block as well. But thanks for the wonderful words.

**Kori.** I don't know about Draco having it better. He'll be the cause of several conflicts, as you'll see sometime soon. Thanks for sticking up here. I finally finished a hurricane based story, which I should post up at fictionpress soon. Yup.

**Lost angel92. **I try do the endings in a funny way always, that's why I always end it with Draco. I'm glad I made you laugh.

**Heather. **10 times? Oh wow. Umm...thank you. hides bright blush

**Mind game.** Well I hate keeping you waiting, so here it is.

**Ronslilprincess. **Thanks for the kind words. I'm sure that if I'd spent more time rechecking the text for mistakes, I wouldn't need a beta. I'm sorry for saing no, but I really hate depending on a person to put chapters up. but I am most grateful for the generous offer, and maybe in the future I'll change my mind. It's just that I'm too eager to get chapters up that I leave some mistakes, and my Work checker is going bezerk most of the times. But thank you. I really hope you still read this, even though it's not beta-read and I've refused your offer. Will you?

**Kaeera. **Thanks for the suggestion, but I don't hink I'm up to that kind of challenge. I think I'll do a Rouroni Kenshin or a Wolf's Rain sometime soon, though. But thank you. Mind pointing out that x-over to me so that I can read it? thanks.

**Ura. **Hurrah! You reviewed again. Yeah, it's Russian, but also Romanian. I should know, I'm from Romania myself. But, whatever. Thank you for the review.

**Juxtaposed.** Yeah, it's better if you leave it at that, rather than writing a squealy review. Dunno how I'd have responded to that. But thanks for sparing me the effort. And for the review as well.

**AJ586.** okay, sorry for the delayed update, but school started and I was on writer's block, all that was on my mind was the Napoleonic era. And I now despise Napoleon. Period. Thanks for the review.

**Alea.** Thanks.

**Lucia, oh cracked one. **Thank yous.

**Zoomaphonethepirate**. Thanks, I like that you liked it.

**Phoenixdreams.** Blaise kind of got caught up in the moment. It's Hermione's fault. Really. He's not gay. And we all love him for that. But I'm glad you liked it. hopefully this chapter cleared a few doubts as to Blaise's behaviour.

**JeanB**. Well, I'll threaten your muse to return then? CanIcanIcanI? Heh. Thanks for the utterly large review, I should ask you to marry me for that. But then we'd be on writer's block forever, and where would that lead to? Thanks for being a reader of this idiotic fic. You rock.

**Sabi4ever.** Fluffy, eh? You should've read my fluff-charged stories, and that's where the fluff is. Thanks for the review and ovation. You rock as well.

**Aruca.** Gracias. Muchas gracias. Demasiadas gracias para poderlas escibir aqui. Alli viene otro capitulo. Ya hablaremos algun dia. Ciao!

**Brittany Williams.** I shall try, but i don't trust my e-mail, so it might not get there on time. Hope you liked this one as well.

**Tygressheart**. Yeah, I'm starting to get a bit fond of slash myself now, after writing it. Draco is oblivious to anything besides his own house. You'll see further on. thanks you, though.

**darkGurly819.** Hey you read all my stories. Wow! Thank you for everything.

**Further on, might I point I have a fictionpress account, and a story I'm proud of? Mind reading those? Link in the bio. Thank you. Now, just wait for the next one, ne?**


	5. Five: A Talk About ASSets

**Title: Now What, You Idiot? (05)**

**Author:** Procella Nox-noctis

**Category:** Humour

**Sub category:** Humour

**Keywords:** Draco, Harry, Hermione, Truce, Arse

**Summary:** A potion gone wrong makes Hermione and Draco change bodies. Now, Hermione is in Draco's body and Draco in hers. To get out of this situation they must cooperate. Perhaps even become friends. But, what happens when each of them falls for the other's best friend? Blaise/Hermione, Draco/Harry pairings later on.

**Sneek-Peek:** _Draco chocked on his drink. "I'm fine. Ahem. He? There's no he, Harry. I've studied so much in advance that classes bore me a bit. The food part, let's just leave it aside, okay? And Slytherin, they tick me off. Especially Malfoy."_

"_Speaking of Malfoy. Doesn't have the nicest bum?"_

_Draco chocked on his drink again. Sodding hell. Did Harry Potter just say I have a nice ass? Harry Potter? You're not bad yourself, Potter. "Really? I never noticed."_

**A/N: More DracoHarry action, as you dear guys asked. Sorry for not being able to write more of them before, but I needed to accommodate myself to slash, it isn't easy to write, but it sure is fun!**

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**Five: A Talk About ASSets**

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Draco stared at the white parchment. Potions. He was seriously considering whether to kill Snape now, or when he returned to his body. _Bloody twit, probably knows all about Hermione and I. I did not just call Hermione by her name. Damn! Ok, Draco, quiet down. You will in no way get close to Granger. In no way!_

"So what do you say?" a voice woke him up. "Hermione, are you okay?"

_No I'm not okay, Potter you twit. I'm stuck in Granger's body. With boobs! I mean, ungh, honestly, what do guys like in these things, so bouncy and all. And then there's this whole Weasley liking me stuff. And your eyes. Stop looking at me like that. See? I'm going mad! I'm not only talking to myself, but actually talking to myself about how nice your eyes are!_ "Sorry, Harry. What did you say?"

Harry gave the person who he thought was Hermione a strange look. "I asked if you'd like to go to Hogsmeade with me today. So we could catch up with things and stuff. Ron said he can't come because of the detention with Snape, which leaves us time to talk about...you know."

Draco raised an eyebrow. _Right. As if I'd go with you to Hogsmeade to talk about your homosexuality._ "Of course I'll join you, Harry." _Oh. Bugger._

"Great! Let me get my cloak and we'll go, okay? The carriages are leaving in a few." Harry answered happily, and ran up the stairs.

Draco cocked his head to the left in admiration. _My god, Potter. Where the hell did you get that ravishing-worthy ass? Oh, no. Bad Draco! Bad, bad Draco! You will not think about Potter's assets. And certainly not of the words containing ass. And certainly, most surely, you will not think about Potters ass. Naked. Aaargh!_

"Done. Let's go." Harry said, as he returned from the bedroom, his cloak over his broad shoulders. Draco smiled weakly, and joined him out the portrait. All the way to the carriages, he went in front of Harry to avoid sneaking uncontrollable glances at his bum. Sheer torture.

The ride to Hogsmeade was surprisingly quiet. Draco looked out the window, while Harry looked strangely at him, or who he thought was Hermione. They got out off the carriages and went directly to the Hog's Head. Draco stopped dead in his tracks.

"Why are we going in there?" he asked, pointing to the pub's entrance. In all honesty, the place gave Draco the creeps. Plus, the bartender smelled bad.

"Come on, Hermione. You know we always come in here. We can talk freely here. No one really comes around anyway."

"Yeah, because it smells, Harry."

"Getting picky on me, aren't you Hermione?" Harry grinned, dragging the girl inside the bar at force. Meanwhile, Draco fumed. No one dragged him away by force. No matter how cute his bum was, no one dragged Draco Malfoy around. It was simply...not to be done. Somehow, he didn't protest anyway, the feel of Harry's hand on his wrist felt nice.

They sat down at a table in the farthest corner, ordered two butterbeers and started chatting freely.

"So, care to tell me what's gotten into you these days?" Harry asked after a few minutes.

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"I'm not that sure, Hermione. You looked bored in class. You tear your food apart as if you're trying to kill it. And you look at the Slytherin table for long times. So...who is he?"

Draco chocked on his drink. "I'm fine. Ahem. He? There's no he, Harry. I've studied so much in advance that classes bore me a bit. The food part, let's just leave it aside, okay? And Slytherin, they tick me off. Especially Malfoy."

"Speaking of Malfoy. Doesn't have the nicest bum?"

Draco chocked on his drink again. _Sodding hell. Did Harry Potter just say I have a nice ass? Harry Potter? You're not bad yourself, Potter. _"Really? I never noticed."

Harry grinned. "Yes you do. It's not Malfoy you were looking at, was it Hermione?"

"NO! No. It was...Zabini."

"Zabini?"

"Ah...yeah. He, ummm, stole my, err, quill, and yeah."

"You're lying."

"I know."

"I'd like to think so," Harry said, ginning.

"Smart pants."

He laughed. "Now come on, tell me. Who is he?"

"For the last time, Po-Harry, there is no 'he'! I just like to glare at people nowadays. You never know, I might even think about you while tearing the food apart."

Harry only laughed again. Draco decided he liked his laugh, just before he considered killing himself fort thinking such thing.

"Speak of the devils."

Draco turned his head towards the door right in time to see a smirking Blaise Zabini and a furious Draco Malfoy (Hermione in his body) enter. Zabini nudged Hermione in their direction; the girl glared at him through Draco's icy eyes, but directed herself to Harry and Draco's table, nonetheless. _Now what is he up to?_

Hermione had had a normal day so far. If you consider waking up in the body of your enemy normal. Or in the boy's dormitory. Or with your bed across from Blaise Zabini. Who had the custom to sleep without a shirt. And having to wake him up. Well, let's just say she had had a normal day.

Her mood improved after realising it was a Hogsmeade day. Blaise said they should go together, so that she could finally find Draco and stick to her part of the deal. Namely, befriend the boy.

They took a carriage, separately, and stalked Harry and Draco. They listened to the discussion over Draco's bum, and snickered at Harry's obliviousness. The poor boy probably didn't suspect he was telling Draco he had a nice arse.

Finally the two Slytherins entered the Hog's Head, Hermione a bit whiny as to what she was supposed to do. Blaise nudged to the table where Harry and Draco in her body sat, and she went there, a bit too angry.

"Potter. Granger." She nodded at them both, before sitting down aside them.

"The hell are you doing, Malfoy?" Harry asked bewildered.

"Keep your pants on, Potter, I'm here to talk to Granger." She replied.

"What do you want?" Draco asked angrily.

"A truce," she answered, biting her tongue.

"A what?" Harry asked.

Draco only laughed. Hardly. "You have got to be kidding me, Malfoy. You want a truce? With me? Why?"

"I don't believe you've met this bastard. Granger meet Zabini. Keep your pants on for now and listen. I lost a bet. And I have to make a truce with you. Now. I can convince you the easy way. Or the hard way."

"You'll do no such thing!" Harry said, sitting up.

"Potter, please? I'm trying to speak to your girlfriend alone. What part of alone don't you understand?" she snapped at him, obviously enjoying acting like Malfoy. Behind her Blaise smirked in admiration.

"Get this over with, please?" Draco replied, tiredly. He was, however, surprised at Granger's interpretation of him.

"Right. No name calling, no hexing, blah, blah, blah, you know the deal." Hermione said, putting her hand out.

"How long will this bet take?" Draco asked.

"Don't know. Probably as long as Zabini wants it." Hermione shrugged. Draco's eyes widened_. Zabini can't know, can he?_

"Fine. Now leave, please." Draco accepted her hand. Hermione nodded at him, and together with Blaise, she left the pub.

"I never thought I'd see the day. Hermione Granger offering Draco Malfoy a truce because I, Blaise Zabini asked her to do it," Blaise said once they were outside.

"Zabini, I'm currently considering killing you, so please don't worsen your situation. Let's just go back to Hogwarts, this town is too chirpy," Hermione muttered, and made her way to the carriages. They settled inside and it took off right away. Hermione looked out the window, but after seeing them, she decided against it.

"Can you see them?" Blaise's soft voice came from beside her. "The Therstrals, can you see them?"

Hermione sighed. "Yes, I can see them. I saw my aunt's dog die last summer, killed in a car accident. I wish I couldn't see them, though. You?"

"Unfortunately. I had to see my father die," Blaise answered. A hand covered his. He looked up into the concerned face of his companion, and smiled softly. "It's okay. He died of age, anyway. And he told us he was dieing happy."

"I don't know what I would do if I'd have to pass through that situation. I'm sorry."

"You didn't kill him. Anyway, I'm proud of you, putting behind old grudges and befriending Draco, and at the same time sound like you don't want it and fooling Potter. Like a real Slytherin," he grinned at her.

"It was fun, acting like Draco. And a bit fun fooling Harry as well. I think you're contaminating me with Slytherinism, Zabini."

"You deserve a reward for that assumption," he smirked, and pecked her cheek.

The carriage stopped, and Blaise got out, followed by Hermione, who had her hand on her cheek. The girl (in Draco's body) shook her head, and looked at Blaise.

"Zabini, you do realise you just kissed a boy's cheek, don't you?" she smirked at him.

The boy stopped dead in his tracks, and turned around to look at the smirking face of his friend. Hermione just came close to him and looked him in the eyes. "Think you should re-question you sexual orientation, Zabini?" she asked, in a smug tone, and left the boy standing there, mouth agape, while she went to Hogwarts to take a shower.

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**E/N: SEE???? This had lots of DracoHarry in it. And a bit sad moment. I hope that compensates for the shortness of the chapter. Slash is really hard to write, no matter how fun it is. If you do want to know what Hermione would do, would her parents die, read my fic: "Nobody's Home". Aside from that...sorry for the delay, and the lots. I really want to put this up fast, so no personal thank yous today. But thanks to all my reviewers nenotheless. Attention!!!!! This fic is being translated to Italian, by the wonderful TheMadHatter. I don't think she has posted up here, though, but I'll ask her about it some other time. Maybe with this she reviews me and all. Oh, and yeah, the fic's translated version is entitled: "Ora Cosa, Idiota?" Isn't Italian such a sexy language? Review if you agree. And if you don't. Just review!!!**


	6. Six: Trouble With Love

**Title: Now What, You Idiot? (05)**

**Author:** Procella Nox-noctis

**Category:** Humour

**Sub category:** Humour

**Keywords:** Draco, Hermione, potions gone wrong

**Summary:** A potion gone wrong makes Hermione and Draco change bodies. Now, Hermione is in Draco's body and Draco in hers. To get out of this situation they must cooperate. Perhaps even become friends. But, what happens when each of them falls for the other's best friend? Blaise/Hermione, Draco/Harry pairings later on.

**A/N: I'm sorry! My computer was virused, broke down, got stuck, had to be repaired, everything in the book. No, I have not abbandoned this story, but the problems with my computer have really slowed the whole process down. Also, I'd like to give out full WARNING that I'm working on some other projects right now, so this story, together with another one, might not be updated that often. But remember, they WILL be updated. Thank you all for patiently waiting. Hope you can forgive me.**

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**Six: Trouble With Love**

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About two weeks had passed since the accident in Potions, and things weren't getting better for either of them. by now, Draco had gotten used to both Weasley and the Gryffindors. He occasionaly found himself looking at Harry too much, and dreaming of him. Which by his standards was absolutely not good. For one, Potter was gay, and Draco was currently occupying the body of his best girl friend. So physical contact would have to be forgotten. and second, Draco was weary of the feelings which were establishing within his stone heart.

For Hermione, on the other hand, things were even worse. Whilst Draco had only begun to feel attracted to Potter, Hermione had had a crush going for Blaise a long time since, so to her it was a matter of control. At least she didn't have to pretend with him, because he knew of her secret. So with that, everynight when the others were asleep, Hermione would tell Blaise of her life, and he would tell her of his. They'd get to know each other better. And slowly, they were falling in love with the other by each day that passed.

Draco and Hermione had agreed on meeting every Thursday to research about the Potion. So far they hadn't reached to many conclusions, but they were progressing. At least they had started to consider the other as a friend.

"Do you think we could use this Potion to kill Snape?" Draco asked from his corner of the table. They were both sharing a table in a dark corner of the library, going over books and books.

"No."

"Granger, are you upset?"

"No."

"Granger?"

"What?"

"Have you reached conclusions about your sexuality yet?"

"No."

"Well...can I tell you something?"

"No."

"Okay then. Here's the thing"

"Malfoy! Which part of no don't you understand?"

"What crawled up your ass and died?"

"N-nothing."

"Your lip is quivering. You're not going to cry are you?"

"No..." she did however. Draco, put in a weird situation, did the only thing he could think of. He patted the girl's (or his) back ackwardly.

"There, there. What's wrong?"

"It's Blaise. I think...I can't. We can't. I'm you. I want my body back!"

"O-kay. You fallen in love with Zabini."

"Yes."

"But you can't do anything, because you're in my body."

"Yes."

"I could always kiss him for you. Always wanted to do that."

"You couldn't. He...he knows."

"WHAT!"

"Your face is all red, Malfoy."

"He knows? Why?"

"He traped me. Before we made the truce."

"He made you make the truce."

"Yes. But...I'm not regreting it. You're not that bad. You're quite nice, once you get used."

"He made you be my friend."

"No! He made me try to be your friend. I became your friend out of own will. Draco? I did. Out of own will."

Draco frowned and looked at the tear stained face of his body. He didn't believe a friend like Blaise. He got lucky with him. And Granger...she'd confessed him so much...he should really tell her back.

"Well, we're even."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean. Potter."

"Harry? You...oh. Oh."

"Yeah. To top it all, he doesn't know."

"Harry's fancied you for about a year, did you know?"

"I do now."

"Don't worry, Draco. We'll sort this all out. I know exactly what to do."

"You're scaring me."

"Don't be scared, I'm not going to do anything you'll regret."

But Draco couldn't help but feel a bit weary because of the glint of wickedness going through Granger's currently grey eyes. He wondered if they'd switched roles so much that he'd become a Gryffindor and she, a Slytherin. Pity the world, if Granger would become a true Slytherin. Pity it, really.

Her chance to help Draco came, not two days after. She found Harry sitting on a bench outside of Hogwarts. Hermione made her way there, and sat down next to him. The boy looked pensive, all his emotions displayed on his face.

"Hello, Potter. Fancy seeing you here."

"Malfoy? Get lost."

"Tut, tut, Potter. That's no way to treat a fellow student."

"Trust me, Malfoy. The way I'd treat you, you really would not like it."

Hermione smiled inwards. She did know, actually. Which was the reason of her being there.

"Say Potter, why did we never got along well?"

"Because you decided to act like pompous git, and I"

"Decided to be the fucking hero of the world."

"Is there a point to this conversation?"

"Perhaps there is. Consider it my attempt at trying to get along with you on our last few months of school."

"Right."

"I didn't really expect you to trust me now, but we could give it a try. What's there to lose?"

Harry looked at her, and Hermione prayed that he said yes, for the good of both Harry and Draco. Harry nodded, and Hermione all but jumped in delight.

"Well, I'll leave you to your thoughts then. Oh, and Potter," she said, and being daring, she leaned down and whispered in his ear, "I think you've got a nice ass too." Before she left him completely, she left a kiss on his cheek, to give him something to think of.

Harry stood there, on the bench, his hand carresing his cheek, wondering how Malfoy knew about his liking of his assets. One name curiously floated through his mind. Hermione.

**E/N: Short, but to the point. Hope you liked this. I recall having said I wanted this to go slowly. I do, but anymore slower and it'd be longer than HBP. So I'll make you a deal. I've got the basics in my head, the ending planned and all that, but that will mean I'm going to speed up the process. It will take the same amount of time, but I'll make it shorter. I assure you nothing will be left aside. Not even a very unpleasant thing for Malfoy. Agreed? Love you all, and thanks for understanding!**


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